sculptor!Woman!

[Katrina]

sculptor!
chips at the marble block before him
lifeless
yet promise-filled
bre
a
ks
the void
away

Woman!
now she is his
creation
his life in her
his life with her
his life is her

*-*-*-

Something I wrote a while ago. I only capitalised "Woman!", because I wanted to emphasise the importance of the woman. She is no longer a marble block, she is his creaion. even he is not as important as she is; he lives for her

I'd love some constructive criticism, please be honest.

[Brighitta]

It's interesting. The structure is interesting, the last three lines, their repetitiveness draws attention to how he is her creator, and the lack of punctiation gives it a sort of breathless feel, almost like he is really nervous and expecting.

[Katrina]

Thanks, I feel that the focus shifts from the sculptor to the Woman to the sculptor again.

[Catherine]

i liked how you could almost feel the woman inside the marble block, waiting to come out.

[Katrina]

Thank you, Cate, I haven't thought of it that way before.

This was inspired a little by the legend of Pygmalion and Galatea. (I read a lot of Greek Mythology.) Pygmalion the sculptor had never married, and he created a lovely woman out of ivory, and called her Galatea. He loved his creation so much that he wanted her to be real, so he prayed to Aphrodite to breathe life into her. Aphrodite granted his wish, and Pygmalion and his Galatea were united as lovers.