'You Left'

[Brighitta]

Something I wrote for my book -

YOU LEFT

You left, and I was seeking,
You're gone, and I was wishing,
The sandcastle fell, destroyed,
And with my heart you toyed.

Like in my darkest nightmare,
You left me and there were
Only abandoned hopes,
And of your vows pale ghosts.

Salty lines upon our faces,
And farewells as sharp as maces,
This is all for the last time,
I blink and you're no longer mine.

Moaning... sun rays on the wall...
Sobbing... into grief I fall...
And my pain is like a rack,
Now there is no going back.

Piercing eyes of silver grey,
In my memory they'll stay,
So like arrows, sharp and fine,
You came back, but you're not mine.'

[Katrina]

This is interesting, I like it. I would only suggest perhaps making some lines have fewer syllables, so it flows more easily, such as perhaps taking out the "my" in "Sobbing... into my grief I fall..."

But otherwise, I enjoyed this poem.

[*Hanani Aya|~·]

I really like this Whenever I write a poem, it seems too basic... something a child would do lol

[kim]

i really liked that and it went absolutely perfect with my music, if you ever get the chance listen to farewell by apocalyptica, you'll find it suits the mood perfectly.
but i really liked it, it has a nice rythm.